I got nothing

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series, a tongue in cheek look at my life.*

For those of you who are regular to my blog on Thursdays, you know I find something crazy in my life to write about.

Not today.  Nothing to rant about.  No complaints.  Nada.

Things are going pretty good.  Really, I don't have any complaints.  My kids are good (not perfect, but good).  Hubby is a great help.  My business is doing well, especially considering the economy.

Yeah, nothing to complain about here.

Not this week anyway.  Check back next Thursday.  I'm sure there will be some sarcastic banter somewhere in me waiting to get out.

Go the F**k to sleep

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series, a tongue in cheek look at my life.*

Have you heard anything about this book?  The first I heard of it was about a month and a half ago when it was mentioned in the American Public Media Marketplace podcast I was listening to that day.  Host Kai Ryssdal ended that day's podcast by reading an excerpt of the book.

I SCREAMED laughing.  Out loud.  Hard.  Belly laugh.  Like the kind that anyone near you wonders if you're having a seizure and in need of medical attention or if you just blew a pop tart out through your nose.

Does that make me a bad parent?  Apparently, there is a subset of the parenting world that thinks so.

A little more background on the book here:  it's designed like a children's book -- illustrations, short, rhyming sentences, big print.  But of course, it's only meant to be read by the adults.  I bought a copy for hubby for Father's Day.  We both laughed so hard.  Really hard.  In fact, he thought it was a great gift.

Have I ever thought those exact words?  Does that mean that I would ever say that to them out loud?  No is the answer on both counts.  But that doesn't mean I haven't thought to myself on more than one occasion, "are you really sure you need to be awake right now???!!!???"

So for those of you parents that think this book is a production of the antichrist, may I congratulate you for being PERFECT.  As for me, I'll keep nurturing my warped sense of humor.

I hate grocery shopping

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series, a tongue in cheek look at my life.*

I've been asked a time or two just how I get everything done in my day.  One thing that helps (that took me a couple of years to realize) is that hubby does all the grocery shopping.  Now before you go all, "Aww" on me, it's really not a huge deal for him since he works there.  He's a bit of a bargain hound and knows where everything is.  This past Sunday was the first time in awhile that I've had to go to the grocery store with more than three items on my list.  (It was Father's Day after all, so he deserved that day off.)

Three little boys had to go with me as well.

Crikey.

What would have been a 7 or 8 minute trip for him turned into about to be 45 minutes for me, not to mention that I didn't get everything on the list.

I won't go into everything, but here's a few of my complaints:

• Why can't every store be laid out the same?  (He works for a chain grocery store and hears this complaint from others as well.)
• Why can't all of the same item be in one place?  I shouldn't have to look for ready made mashed potatoes in the dairy and meat sections.
• There needs to be a big cage on wheels that I can put the peeps in.  Is that legal?

What bugs you about shopping?

Moms can never be off duty EVER

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series, a tongue in cheek look at my life.*

Let me bring you up to speed:  I have 3 boys, all aged four and under.  It can get a little crazy here.  A big ninety-eight percent of the time, if I'm lucky enough to get ALL of them to take a nap at the same time, I get to work uniterrupted in the studio.  I'm either pouring resin, or I'm making phone calls:  both things that I don't need little people distractions for.  The exception to this is Saturdays.  Sometimes I work on Saturdays, sometimes I don't.  Mentally for me, it's my day off.  I might get caught up on my magazines, see what the DVR has recorded for me this week, or ever so infrequently,


I take a nap.

Last Saturday was one of the those days.  Two of the three peeps were already worn out.  It was a really, really nice day here -- moderate temperatures and little humidity.  It was also really, really quiet.

Yeah, let's go for it.

Peeps one and three were down.  Peep two seemed tired, but was playing with his cars.  He assured me he was going to nap too, eventually.

So, comfy jammies and a fluffly pillow was all I needed to get started.  Sometime a few minutes later, the phone rang.  My first thought, "I can't believe I forgot to take the phone off the hook."  When I didn't answer, and the caller immediately called back, my next thought was, "Sorry mom, whatever it is, it can wait."

Apparently not.

A few minutes later (not really sure of the exact time here because I was doing everything possible not to open my eyes), there is a BAM BAM BAM at the front door.  "Oh, like now what??  I just want some quiet time.  In fact I've been really bad today and need a time out."

I put on my fluffy pink robe and head to the door.  I open it and stare at the two sheriff's deputies who were wondering why I looked like I was a mom on a mid afternoon bender.

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

With one of the slow blinks (you know, the ones where you take an extra .4 milliseconds to allow you that extra time to think), I answered, "Yes....."  I'm looking past them while they're asking, expecting to see one of my neighbor's houses has exploded or is in the middle of a hostage situation.

"Ma'am, someone here called 911 and hung up."

Once again, blank stare, while I'm thinking to myself, thanks kids, I didn't really need that afternoon off.

"Ma'am are you alone?"

"No, I have 3 kids with me."

"Ma'am, did you hear the phone ring?  No one answered when we called back, TWICE."

By this time, I'm a little punchy.  "Do you answer every phone call that comes to your house??"

Whoops, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

"We need to speak to the child who made the call."  Actually, this turned out to be a good thing.  Deputies in the their cars with flashing lights can be quite a motivator for a four year old to never call 911 again.


They left, last peep took a nap, and I went back to work in the studio.  That will teach me to take a day off.

What's up with this generation???

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series,  tongue in cheek look at my life.*

Before I get started, a few disclaimers:

1. Type A people call me Type B.  The vice versa also happens.
2. I have kids, therefore I am officially "old".
3. I never do anything half baked, especially when there is money involved.

Now, on with the story.

We are losing our babysitter that we have had for the past year.  Any of you with children can relate to the fact that sometimes it's a fine line between leaving your kids with another young adult versus a pack of wolves.  When you find a babysitter you like, (at least I) try to do everything to keep her.

Ours is graduating.  (Maybe I should go with one that can't pass her classes.)

Ah, I forgot how much fun it is to look for a new one.  Here's a few of the recent adventures:

Wow, I got a TXT for an interview.  MayB I can watch the kids this way 2!!  LOL

• Sure, my kids met you at my neighbors house and you hit it off.  Yeah, let's try this Thursday.  And I don't mind AT ALL if you come 45 minutes late, don't call to let me know, then tell me you have to leave early.  I'm only doing this as a favor to you.
• Yes, I am looking for a babysitter.  No I don't mind sharing with you how much I'm paying and how many hours you can expect if you don't mind showing a little interest in my kids first.
• I know you like to text and all, but can you actually answer calls with that phone?  I'm running out of character spaces to set up an interview with you.

In trying to find another one, I suppose one can liken it to dating.  Find one that's not offensive, no major behavioral issues and can pass a drug test.  Wait, I forgot about driving records.  Drat.

Oh yeah, it happens in "three's"

*This is a part of the Thursday rant series, a tongue in cheek look at my life.

Thank goodness a new day is a "do-over".

Yesterday didn't go so hot.

Bounced a check.  Yeah.  Doesn't help to pay stuff online if you don't write it down.

Babysitter didn't show up.  Not cool.  I wasn't home and hubby had to leave to go to work.  Thank goodness I could drive home at 182 MPH and didn't get caught.

Entered a contest to win a Blackberry Playbook (oh yeah, THE Blackberry Playbook) and found out I WON!!  That is, until the contest administrator found out I'm from Florida.  Not eligible.  Must be Flor-i-duh.

I so need a do-over.

The "smell" in my house

I am not in any way a green thumb.  In fact, if there was a plants' rights group, I'm sure I would be on the most wanted list.  Perhaps this is why this jasmine vine and I get along so well.  I LOVE the smell of jasmine.  It's blooming now (at least in Florida) and is just heaven.  I decided a couple of years ago to get a plant and put it on the corner of my screened-in porch so that the scent would make its way through my house.  Thank goodness it can take care of itself.

There are hundreds of these little scented blooms all over the vine.  Open up the windows and the porch doors and I have instant scented candle without the fear of my kids starting a fire.  (Don't ask...)

Slacker Mom Saturday

Being a parent is the full time job.  I just try to fit everything else in.  I had finished up all my orders from the Orlando ACRE show this week, with the exception of one.  It was my biggest order, and I knew it was going to take a bit of time.  Unfortunately, my oldest two are outgrowing the nap (a.k.a. mommy time) and didn't let me get much accomplished.  I needed to get my groove on, so come Saturday morning, I turned into slacker mom.

"Who wants to watch a movie?"

They were cheering and I was giddy at the idea of gettin' my groove on for more than 15 minutes this time.  In an unbiased as possible self-assessment, I'm somewhere between "anti-TV nazi" mom and "meet my babysitter, Miss Sony 32 inch".  I'm convinced that too much of the "crack box" will melt their brains.  I just don't know where that line is and don't want to pay for the therapy sessions they're going to need later (at least not for that anyway).

The good news:  I got work done and they got to watch one and a half of their favorite DVD's.  Good thing I can go back to being a better parent tomorrow.

The real me

One of my very good friends (who shall remain nameless), called me very recently.  She explained that she had been reading my blog recently.  The conversation went something like this:

"I like reading your blog to find out what's going on, but that's not you."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's me.  Might be one of my other personalities, but it's me."

"That's what I'm talking about."

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean you're funny, crass, brutally honest, moderately opinionated and always full of wit.  You don't do that on your blog."

"I know, I talk jewelry making on my blog."

"Why don't you throw in some of the other stuff."

"Okay......  You really think people want to read that?"

"Why do you think I call you?"

All right people, here goes.  It's me.  Uncensored.  Uninhibited.  Sleep deprived and looking for my next good wine buy.  Oh yeah, I also make resin jewelry, raise three boys, have a house full of furry animals and hubby gets what's leftover.  (Yes, you should feel sorry for him.)

A day in the life of an art jewelry maker

I don't really know how typical my day is compared to other people.  I'm sure for moms out there that are trying to balance a career and family life, much of what I say here will sound familiar.  I get questions form art enthusiasts and patrons just how I manage to get done what I do.  Here is my typical day:

Up between 5 AM and 6 AM.  With any luck, my kids aren't up yet.  If I manage to get to bed at a decent hour the night before, it's closer to 5 AM.  My list of things to get done in the morning before 7 AM is:

• Read and respond to emails
• Read my google alerts
• Read the blogs I follow
• Package orders and prepare them for mailing (to hand to hubby to mail on his way to work)
• Post updates and make changes to my jewelry gallery website, KMS Designs
• Write blog posts for this blog and my other jewelry blog, Handmade Resin Jewelry
• Use Hoot Suite to get my tweets ready for the day.  (I like to tweet live, but when I find good articles, I like to schedule them to go out all during the day instead of one big lump.)

About midday, while my kids are napping, I used to pour resin.  Now that my oldest two (three and a half year old twin boys) are outgrowing the need for a nap, I don't attempt it.  Since once it's mixed, the resin is "use it or lose it", I can't be distracted.  Instead, I work on projects that I can start and stop as needed.  This is what I attempt to accomplish:

• Seal papers for resin
• Photograph jewelry (weather permitting)
• Upload new pictures to my Facebook and Flickr pages.
• Prepare metal pieces and settings to have resin included in them later

After my kids are in bed (about 9 PM or so during the summer), I get back to work.  I'm up until 10 PM or possibly as late as midnight.  The later I go to bed, the later I start the next morning (although it's not really sleeping in...)

• Pour resin
• Sand, polish and drill resin pieces as needed
• Assemble finished resin jewelry components
• Make website and blog updates

Of course this all isn't set in stone, but it is a good guideline.  My husband is good enough to watch the little peeps on Sundays to allow me to get more of the business side of things done and spend some good time with the torch.

So for all you moms out there, how else do you balance work and family life?